{Please note, this was an extremely challenging writing task … it took me days of processing and reviewing. Please read with as open a mind as possible.}
A month ago I posted a lengthy Blog entry on “Coping, Validation, and Normalization during COVID 19.” In that blog entry, I noted how many of us do not want to go back to the “old normal;” as the harmful, biased, and inequitable conditions & systems that have existed in our world for hundreds of years were not something to which I wish to see re-established or normalized. I could not have predicted what we have seen since my entry in early-May.
The homicide of George Floyd on May 25, 2020 and the demonstrations that have followed in the two+ weeks since have shown evidence that there are many people who do not wish to maintain a status quo. The preponderance of inequitable and unjust systems in our world is something that no one can nor should turn away from. It is imperative to shine a light on the inequities and unjust histories of systems in our nation and in our world.
MY PRIVILEGE
I write this as a privileged white male. I was born and raised in the latter-part of the 20th century in middle-class America. I have multiple college degrees, including a Master’s degree in Psychology from the clinical program at Duquesne University in Pittsburgh, PA. I am cis-gendered and a parent. I have a clean legal history and I have found success in more than one professional field.
The paragraph above makes it all the more imperative for me to speak up at this time. It is important that during this historical moment I along with other people with any sort of privilege speak up about the cumulative systemic injustices that have worsened our societies. This is not a “black person” issue. It is a human rights issue and it is imperative for white folks like me to stand up, speak up, and also listen up – – I have no interest in trying to “white-splain” or “man-splain” what is going on. That said, silence at this time is absolutely not ok.
With all of this being said, I feel it is important for people to know a little bit more about me: I have witnessed a great deal of suffering in my life. Of greatest importance, in my life I have witnessed horrific suffering of multiple people. I’ve witness violence, injustice, and a great deal of physical and mental suffering that is not easily apparent to all. Of a personal note, I grew up with a mother who had a debilitating condition that worsened over the course twenty-five years (beginning in my childhood and ending with her death while I was an adult), whereby my family watched her loose functioning of her limbs from Multiple Sclerosis until her last years were lived as a quadriplegic. I believe that growing up with an abundance of suffering in my home had a variety of impacts upon me. I feel that my thoughts, feelings, values, and behaviors were shaped as much by my early experiences of suffering and family hardship as they were by anything else in my life. These early experiences started me on a path.
EXPANDING MY JOURNEY TO BETTER UNDERSTAND SUFFERING
Similarly (and perhaps consequentially), I’ve chosen a personal and professional path that has afforded me the opportunity to get very, very close to individuals and groups of people who have been historically under-served, marginalized, and/or oppressed in our communities. Decades of working in Crisis Intervention and Inpatient (often, Involuntary) Psychiatric settings provided me a window into the worlds of other people that many do not get to see up close. Additionally, I am a musician. In that capacity – back in 2008 – I sought out the opportunity to be able to play music and help support the touring and recording for a very, very unique individual: James T-Model Ford.
The opportunities that I had playing multiple tours over a four year period with James afforded me the opportunity to spend time with the man – literally thousands of hours – far beyond the time people saw of us on stage or heard on an album. Time spent in vans, on planes in a restaurant or hotel often were the hours I most came to appreciate the opportunity to connect so closely with a man who had experienced things I could never understand … and things I’d never wish for anyone to ever experience again, like witnessing hangings, having their homes burned to the ground, and other atrocities that never entered into the consciousness of the white-control legal systems of Mississippi and Tennessee {James was imprisoned in Humboldt, TN for the killing of a man during a dice-game melee … James said it was self-defense, but that there was no “self-defense” recognition for a Black man in the Tennessee legal system, so he served time … until he got “bought” off the chain gang by a “boss man.” I have no proof of James’ story but even if just a portion of it is completely true, it shows a number of examples of the systemic injustices he was up against}.
James (he liked when I called him “T”) had grown up as a Black man in rural Mississippi during the “Jim Crow” era. He witnessed a great deal. Spending those hours together travelling tens of thousands of miles, he’d occasionally discuss the racial violence he witnessed and the near-misses he had with the KKK and police. Along with my fellow musicians who traveled with him over the years I’d toured with him, many of us especially enjoyed the mornings with “T” when we were not hurrying to check out of a hotel. It was during his morning coffee, when we were all relaxed and well-rested, that he often shared the most powerful and in-depth stories of what he witnessed and/or experienced during his nine decades on this earth. I was drawn to work with T-Model because of his music and his apparent resilience. James – like all people – was not perfect. That being said, he had qualities about him – grace, calm, joy, enthusiasm, etc. – that burned brightly. He’d note that he had it better in life than many people. For him to see it this way during the final years of his life left a lasting impression on me.
Many of the people with whom I’ve had the honor of working with have helped me learn and grow as a person. I’ve learned from patients in crisis, from co-workers who provide compassionate care, and ordinary people who enlighten me about what I did not know or see. I appreciate all of the gifts I have been given … even if I was not immediately able to fully appreciate the gift(s) being presented to me.
MY INVITATION TO ALL OF US (ESPECIALLY WHITE PEOPLE)
It is with this attitude that I invite all people to view the current historical events in our world. The world is turning. It is changing. I invite all of us to be open and present to the change. One person cannot be expected to be able to drive all aspects of desired change by themselves. Instead, it is the collective of many people that are going to help us drive tangible, measurable, and honorable changes for our communities. We all want safety. Yes, all lives matter … but we have to take a historical look at our country and our world: There has been injustice to black people, brown people, native people & other non-white persons that has lasted too long. Black Lives Matter now because for too long they have not mattered to the degree that a just society can abide. Black Lives Matter.
The homicide of George Floyd was a Tipping Point. I know more about manual and mechanical restraints than most people. As part of my years of work in psychiatric and crisis settings as a “Clinical Educator” of De-escalation and Trauma-informed care trainings, I had a unique role. Since I worked as a Clinical Educator who trained professionals in a setting where manual and mechanical restraints were a “last-resort” for the management of imminently dangerous behavior, I had the opportunity to become a trainer to staff about the safe application of retraints. This involved me being “restrained” a lot. Hours upon hours. I cannot tell you how many people in the Seattle area have learned how to safely and non-violently provide de-escalation and restraint techniques as a last resort by incorporating aspects of practicing how to manually and mechanically restrain me.
In short, I was the person most often “restrained” by staff at a psychiatric hospital here in Seattle for the better part of a decade and a half. I may have been the person most restrained in the state of Washington (or perhaps anywhere) during the 15 or so year period that ran from 2002-2017, as I trained hundreds of people over thousands of hours of training. That experience and the perspectives gained were & are extremely valuable to this day.
With this abundance of experience, I want people to know that I was horrified watching the entire video of the officer with his knee on the neck of George Floyd (and the additional airway restrictions from the weight of other officers on Mr. Floyd’s back). There is no reasonable explanation that can be used to rationalize this aggressive example of police brutality. It was horrific and to those that might say “if he can talk, he could breathe” or something else trying to explain away what happened, I request that you Please Stop any rationalizations. The reality is that the officers involved either “over-responded” via the use of excessive force or “under-responded” by not trying to intervene. George Floyd would be alive today if it were not for the police’s actions. I hope that we see Justice for George Floyd in the weeks and months to come.
TRAUMA: SEEN AND UNSEEN
During my professional clinical work, I’ve learned a lot about restraint-related trauma, both in terms of the physical and psychological impacts. Restraint-related positional asphyxia was clearly listed as a “Risk of Restraints” in the De-escalation intervention manual I authored for a local psychiatric hospital. The research has been available for years.
Additionally, the “Trauma-informed” aspects of my various trainings shined a light on the often-invisible impacts of trauma on individuals and communities; the lingering harms of violence and injustice to those that are not in positions of power or advantage in our society. Many people – and I’m directly looking at people that are White here – do not get it. We live in a world where “seeing is believing.” Well, for those of you that have not yet seen it or experienced it with your own eyes, or hear it with your own ears, or felt it in your own body, the suffering and harm that people of color have experienced in America is real. America literally has used chains in the past. These days, there are chains you do not see but they are there.
Let me conclude this post with an expansion of my insights from my hours of being manually and mechanically restrained in a psychiatric hospital for the sake of training my colleagues: Even when I was being restrained in a seemingly “safe” training environment, it did not feel completely safe to me.
Everyone is imperfect. There were the risks of someone’s individual imperfections intersecting with my ability to maintain safety. Basically, when I was being restrained, my safety was in the hands of those restraining me. I witnessed multiple examples of people maintaining safety … but I also witnessed examples were not in control of themselves and put me and/or others in harm’s way. Multiply this by a million (or more) and this is what we are facing today: a society where many millions of people’s safety hinges upon the acts and behaviors of people who may or may not understand the impacts of their decisions and their behaviors.
That is why I stand with those demonstrating and protesting for systemic changes and improvements. I will use future posts for giving examples of what is working across the world to help re-imagine a more just and equitable future for all people. Now is the time. Thank you for reading and thank you for keeping your eyes open, your ears open, and your hearts & minds open. We need as much light shining on this moment as possible.